H.A.R.K. the herald angels sing "Glory to the p-hacking! Another major finding filed editor and reviewers reconciled." Joyful, tenure and grants rise Join the triumph of white lies With the press release proclaim: "PNAS is the hall of fame!" H.A.R.K. the herald angels sing "Glory to the p-hacking!" Christ! My h-index is adored Check out this Top Paper award. Uh, yeah, I predicted this outcome Of course, the whole S.E.M.! Outlier removal is no Q.R.P. So what if this is my pet theory?! Sure, I manage my data with Excel Jesus, who cares about the N per cell H.A.R.K. the herald angels sing "Glory to the p-hacking!" Hail the data-born rinse of ps! Curse the rotten replication police, these backseat bullies, second string, their preregistered Bayesian p-curving. Let grad students and advisees thrive, Sworn to not exceed p oh five Sworn to hide any moderator Sworn to never share their data H.A.R.K. the herald angels sing "Glory to the p-hacking!"